dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
