How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
