he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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