i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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