oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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