just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
