I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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