I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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