omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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