How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
