I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
