aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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