Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
