Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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