Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
