remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
