dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
