I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
