The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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