you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
