i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
