other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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