at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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