OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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