C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
