He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
