i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize