Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
