Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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