Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
