I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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