ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I look better un-naked...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
