Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
