Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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