NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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