I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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