She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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