wanna go halves on a baby?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
