Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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