did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
