Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
