So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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