I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
