I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
