It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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