Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
