just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
