so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
