You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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