peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
