he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
