The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
