You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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