Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
