My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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