please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
