I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
