you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
