so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
