im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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