We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
