I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
