Jerry, you need to find god
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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