Duck Duck Cougar?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
