she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
