this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
