i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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