Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
