That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he shaved USA in his pubs
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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