the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
