i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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