I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
