He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
