fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
