I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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