mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
