just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
