Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
