Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
